TITLE : Why Couples Fight?

AUTHOR : Mira Kirshenbaum

GENRE : Non-Fiction, Self-Help, Relationship

FR RATING : ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐(4.5 Stars)

DATE OF PUBLISHING :   26 January 2021


DISCLAIMER : Thank you, Kensington Books and Citadel for providing me with an ARC of this book. I am leaving this review voluntarily.

Why Couples Fight? by Mira Kirshenbaum is a fantastic book for anyone who is looking for a relationship or someone already in a relationship. The author is a relationship expert and she gives us the reasons why couples fight and how to resolve conflicts among couples. If you are looking to add tools to your life kit toolbox, this book will help you do that efficiently. It is accessible and easy to read with practical examples to help us understand the underlying issues that most couples face.

I wanted to read more non-fiction this year, and with this decision, my goal was to improve my life and the overall quality of it. I believe when it comes to our lives, the most important element is relationships. Even if there are no particular issues or any concerns, my mantra is that we always have room for improvement and options to make things better than before. So when I saw this title, I thought it would be an interesting read for me to try.

I was right about it being interesting and gives us different perspectives about the various scenarios, that I might not have thought about if it wasn’t for the book. The role of power dynamics and power struggles in life as a contributing factor to the downfall of the relationship is something I have noticed before. We see the struggles, but oftentimes, don’t have the tools to tackle these issues. I for one am happy I read this because knowing what I know know, it’s easier to look at the situation calmly and patiently and discuss things effectively than getting into the vicious cycle of power moves.

The book talks about the common issues couples faces in day-to-day life. She gives us glimpses into some common arguments and how things that are so simple can escalate in a matter of seconds. Looking at things from the outside makes it easier to see where things go wrong and what exactly couples shouldn’t do in conflicts. 40% of the book focuses on the issues that will come up in the course of a relationship. She dissects each of them and shows us how these can affect the couples adversely. The solutions and methodology by which one can resolve the conflicts and find peace in the relationship are introduced around the halfway mark down the book. Mira goes through each conflict and how the steps can be used by showing us practical & realistic scenarios. I have come out of this book feeling more confident in seeing things differently and wanting to be better on my end.

I believe the book has accomplished what it had set out to do. Overall, this is a book everyone should read and apply to their lives. We might think our lives are perfect the way they are, but having the necessary tools will not only help us to improve on relationships it will also help strengthen our bonds. This is in my opinion a great book for anyone who is seeking solutions to end the toxic family environment to which both partners contribute. I gave the book 4.5 stars and highly recommend checking it out.

I am hoping to do a chapter breakdown or a concept breakdown of the book. If anyone’s interested in me doing it, let me know in the comment section down below. What are some of your favorite relationship-related non-fiction books you want me to read??

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Bestselling author and relationship expert, Mira Kirshenbaum examines power dynamics in relationships and teaches couples her three-step method for ending their power struggles and finding their way back to love.

How do two well-meaning people who genuinely care about each other end up in a damaged, unsatisfying relationship?

Every couple faces conflict and often the root of the problem is how we’re not getting our needs met. Initially, we will try to remedy it with reasonable requests–or hints–and a kind tone. But when that fails, we feel disempowered, which leads to sighs, eye rolls, silences, subtle put-downs, insults, and even threats. These are power moves. And while we often engage in power moves unintentionally, the result is the same: our partner feels disempowered and will try to re-empower themselves. Thus the continuous, endlessly destructive dynamic takes hold.

Relationship expert Mira Kirshenbaum, bestselling author of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, reveals a better way with her three-step method for conflict-free problem solving. By recognizing each partner’s power moves, we can instead find mutually satisfying ways to heal our hurts and meet each other’s needs.

Non-judgmental, compassionate, and wise, this is an indispensable guide to help couples end the negative cycle and get back to the loving understanding that brought them together in the first place. 

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